So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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