I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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