First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
