there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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