Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize