We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
