so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
