Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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