I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
