i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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