Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
