there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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