Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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