And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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