Sry I called you an 8
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
