I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize