Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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