she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
