I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
