he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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