i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
