I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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