Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
