I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
