Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
