My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
