Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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