I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
