i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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