1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
