You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
