Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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