I feel like abortions should bother me more
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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