I heard we made out
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
