Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
