i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
