My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
