That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
