ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
