Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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