Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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