I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
