well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
