I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can text with my tongue
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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