She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
