Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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