I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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