You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
