I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
