Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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