I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
