we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize