jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
wow bdsm is so cute
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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