sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
