apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
