Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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