Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
