She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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