You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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