He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
