unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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