i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
