I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
