he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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