So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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