guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize