i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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