Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
