I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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