Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
