idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize