If i come over, it means nothing
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
