Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
