i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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