having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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