You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
