Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
