Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
