he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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